Currently Reading Breaking Free Day by Day: A Year of Walking in Liberty By Beth Moore see related

...if I ceased to do so, then I would cease to exist

Currently Listening Overdressed By Caedmon's Call hold the light see related

Hold the Light, Overdressed, Caedmon's Call.

Lyrics:

it’s been a long year
like a long sleepness night
Jacob wrestled the angel
but I’m too tired to fight

every Wednesday
for two years we’ve met
I’ve showed you all my anger,
my doubts and bitterness

there was no judgment in your eyes
just the silent peace of God
that felt so real in you

will you hold the light for me?

and I stay up late
because I cannot sleep
I don’t want to face the quiet
where its just God and me

I’m waiting for the gavel
handing me the sentence down
because I don’t believe forgiveness
or even repentance now

I want to feel redemption
flowing through my veins
I want to see with clear eyes
beyond lust and hate
I want the war to be over
and know the good guys won
and I want love to hold me
to know I’m not alone

standing around a willow weeping
we were praying in the backyard
in the chill of the night
the friendship light reminded me who we are

Currently Listening Overdressed By Caedmon's Call see related

NSG school and more...

Hi, how is everyone? I feel like i haven't written on here for while, most likely bc I haven't. I am doing...mediocre to be honest. Sometimes I feel like my life is one big Sigh. School is so different this year. ALot of the aspects I used to enjoy about learning just stress me out. I did do the dorky deal and stay up late reading my Davis's lab manual, about Zinc and how it decreases and increases affect diabetes so I guess I still have it a little. = )  I think I have a hard time enjoying it bc if you let your stamina or drive to pass down, you can fail. 77. that's all the wiggle room you have for everything. IT steals the joy out of everything. I miss science too. I mean you learn to put the procedure together with the rationale... but it isn't just straight science anymore. I miss reading too, and I crave McDonald's all the time.NSG school changes you, that's all I can say. It feels so good to just ramble to no one. Nate has a listening cap per week. = ) That's where heather comes in. I am so thankful for the girl friends that the Lord has provided me. and my parents just don' stop talking and asking questions either..and always right when I come in the door. = ) one of the nurses that i worked with pointed out that some ppl have no family an dhave to go through L&D alone.She had a good point so I just keep trying to think of it like that and love them...needless to say I am still always annoyed! I think I just need a break and time away. And goodness, I would love to just have some time with the Lord to just get myself sorted out, I feel so far away and so lost...I hate it. That makes school harder too. times ten. Ok that's all I have to say for now, I could go on, but I'll save you.

Love to all, the wanna be better person/RN ~ Jen

Currently Reading When People Are Big and God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Resources for Changing Lives) By Edward T. Welch see related

HI, I'm alive. = ) Despite what many of you thought, I am alive. I really ought to be asleep, but I have alot on my mind. Desicions, what the cost of those decisions are...the right one's of course feel right, but are always the hardest, and then how do you really know if they are right? I mean do you ever really know? Is it just something you have to lay down before the Lord, take a leep, and hope you aren't crying yourself to sleep every night again? I mean really now, the right and the wrong thing can be equally hard at times. Pride makes the wrong hard to admit, but the right will always make the wrong hard to live with. But then again, how do you sleep at night knowing that you invested a great deal of time in the wrong, trying to make it right...only to walk away unvictorious? I guess it was never my battle to fight to begin with. Then there is always loyalties and where they lie. Who am I living for? Chose...who will you serve? I feel that I have already made that decision...again. (Apparently it is to be made more than a thousand times in life = ))Recently, like two weeks ago, isn't that what you were waiting for? And oh how it is all falling into place. I say that both with joy and happiness along with solemn grief...for myself...and what lies ahead. But there is peace. Walking in the right, and seeking the Lord out for the answers and the strength to do what's right, is so nice. I have found that I would rather be here the accepted among thousands. Of course thousands are those thousands of people you don't really know that well, who you are already willing to sacrifice for the sake of righteousness. But what about that one. Oh yes, that one. If any of you have ever had a, "that one," then you will know that that one makes all the difference to you... that the change that goes on in your heart, once it is made, will either make or brake that relationship. That is where the heart of my problem lies. More so not the problem, but my problem with the cost of what is right. Alright well I have to go to bed. Loves to all.

Jen

Brave-Nicole Nordeman

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
It's safe and sound now and
Until now it's where I've been

Cuz it's been fear
That ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love
That cuts the strings

So long, status quo
I think I've just let go
You make me wanna be brave
The way it always was
It's no longer good enough
You make me wanna be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name, and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall

Why did I
Take this vow of compromise?
Why did I
Try to keep it all inside?

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything

Hi. I may as well start this entry with a, "Hi." which is all that I will say, because I am going to paint pottery with Joanna, which is going to be really fun! = ) loves to all. more to come for all that care.